Non-Jews are for practice
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
