I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
