New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I believe in your delicious
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize