Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
