He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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