Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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