i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
