she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
