# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
