When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
