There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
