someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize