She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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