Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
