dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
