Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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