I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
