So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize