I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
