A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
