I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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