ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
