nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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