theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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