I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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