It's Friday. Sex?
4 words: hood of his car
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
