Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
