apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
