sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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