you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wear drunk well.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize