You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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