Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
