It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
