And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
