just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
