Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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