took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
