just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
