the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
