I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
