i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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