I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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