walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
