i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
