So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
