She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
