Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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