Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
zippers are such a cool invention
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smell like Dick and happiness
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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