I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the day after is always just damage control
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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