i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
