I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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