I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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