can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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