we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
