When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
