last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
