btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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