so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
