fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize