when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
