if you like me you must not know who I am
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no you cant smoke seaweed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
