I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
