i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
