You made me cry and you don't even care
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize