I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
