Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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