cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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