My liver just broke up with me...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
