Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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