so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize