He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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