Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
