??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
