Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
