My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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