the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
