How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
