pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
