I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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