I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
