Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
