Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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