If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
