but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
