he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
