he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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