I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
